Fantaseize

V Fantaseize II: A Reality's Decay Before returning to the land of sleeping once more, I had a final nightmare. I had it after the first night with Amanda. I had this seizing fantasy, this moment of decay, where reality was entirely taken from me as if it never was. Because, perhaps, nothing existed since Jane died. Perhaps, I imagined it all on the hospital bed staring up at the ceiling, crying. In her bed. I knew it wasn't so, but I clung to the thoughts happily. * "Stop kicking me…" "Fine. I'll just wake you up." * There's a snippet of time, I grab it and hope for dear life that it's going to work. I know it won't. But I know

IV Chapter Three: Blind The drugs have worked, I've slept well. Things are different than usual. Clearer. * Is sleep a bad thing? Yes. Why? * I awkwardly played with the folds in my clothing. I had on new contacts, making me feel renewed and a better person. I had on clean clothes that I washed that day, and my hair was newly cut but wonderful looking since Tuesday. Everything was much clearer in my mind. For the time being, I felt good, I feel as if some sort of optimism is shining on my life for the first time in years, completeness and an ability to make something out of life. It's such a unique feeling, and I have no idea why ev

III Chapter Two: Maternal Sorry, Dr. Campbell. We both know I actually don't strive on logic; I strive on fantasy, drama. I strive on my own creations getting me through the day in the end – or the creations of someone I love. Something I love. Jane used to write the most beautiful things, I'd read them for days on end without ceasing, I loved those, and I lived through those. * Remind me again what happened, I seem to have forgotten. * I didn't tell him my whack job idea, not yet. I got the phone open and saw that my mother was calling.  Then I raised it to my ear to speak. "Hello." I said nicely, I didn't want to come off as rude

II Chapter One: Exposition Jane whispered down her hand, pressing lightly on the alarm clock, turning it off as I closed my eyes and drifted into thoughts of hers. And I, memories we shared and dreams that we often said were lies. * There's this idea. It's very complicated, and I can't explain it in full detail. But it starts with the words: Nobody Had Jane. * I woke in a hazy blur of shitty emotions. I didn't mean to go to sleep, but I ended up doing it again. It was after three days lacking it, staying in bed reading. I didn't want to go to sleep that time and I didn't mean to. But I did. It was a conscious decision accepting that

Part One of Four: Expositions, The First Glance of Sanity, and Leather.  I Fantaseize I: Hospital Bed And I didn't know how it happened, but it did happen, my mind could only spend so long in a fantasy at once that it surprised me that I stayed in this one for so long. But I did. I wanted it to continue forever, to have the chance and the perceiving thought that I was saying goodbye to her as she never did to me. * I have this idea, although crazy, you really should hear it out. It starts with the sleeping mind, in a pure R.E.M. state it dreams and repairs itself and your body. Through a strictly professional sense of mind, my ps